Farm & Conquer- Tiberium Kingdoms Online

After playing a match or two of Battlefield 3, I'm given an advertisement for the open beta of a 'new isometric strategy game' based on the Command & Conquer universe. I was curious, so I went to check it out. Turns out, that this is a cookie cutter copy of all those other glorified Farmville clones that publishers seem to be making. They're all the same, and you know what? They all suck.

I was expecting (once I had gone through the drudgery of building my base/ creating a workforce/ collecting crops) to be rewarded with some real RTS game play, no matter how simplified. Instead, I got to sort my units into waves and watch them shoot at the bad guys. It's sort of like playing as the creeps in DotA, just without the gold, without the experience, without the strategy and generally just without any sort of rewarding experience whatsoever.

What's more, is that you have to pay real money to open up more 'bonus construction time,' just so you don't have to sit and wait for 4 hours for your barracks to finish. I think I'd rather play chess via email. It seems like a malicious monetisation method aimed at children. In my childhood, I was always after something or other off my parents, but now it's like that natural behaviour is being milked for revenue by triple-A publishers making facebook games. Command & Conquer- Tiberium Alliances, Stronghold Kingdoms, Settlers Online and all the other Farmville clones, watch out for them, because you'll never get those hours back.

Terraria: For the Hardcore

I was saddened to hear, the other day, that Terraria’s development is going to cease. No more patches, no more crazy high-speed bossfights. It’s quite possibly the best value for money I’ve ever got out of a game, clocking over 150 hours for the price of £4 ($6) in a steam sale. The game is still as amazing as ever though, so I thought I’d revisit it, but this time I’d give the Hardcore mode a shot (When you die, you die for good). Little did I know that it would—instead of making me seem like a total badass— turn me into a nocturnal agoraphobic. This is assembled from a few hours of play spread over a week.


We start our side-scrolling tale in a forested valley, which I immediately begin hacking into planks.

Shortly after turning the once vibrant tree-scape into a barren ditch, I found the perfect spot to build my house... well, cabin... OK. Box. It does have a chimney, though.
A falling star then landed on my house! It's a sign (of a good future, or an impending death?)

I hunkered inside my tinder box, listening to the zombies thumping on the door; The floating demon-eyes lurked overhead like the eyes of a young boy playing God with an ants' nest. I was almost killed by Lucas, my guide, who decided it would be an excellent idea to open the door. Smeared with the flesh and grime of slain zombies, I talked to him, and he yielded some excellent advice:

 "You should stay indoors at night. It is very dangerous to be wandering around in the dark." -      Lucas the Guide on night-life.

And so began my pathological obsession with the Terrarian day and night cycle.


The sun was shining, and so was my pickaxe, and I soon gathered enough copper to forge a copper bow. Apparently that's meant to bend, but that's beside the point. I also collected enough iron to make myself an iron bucket. That's +1 defence to the head slot. Result.

Nighttime began to approach. I frantically ran back inside, shutting the guide in with me by placing a block in front of the door. As it happens, this single block at foot level stops all zombie movement past the door frame, so I abused this by swinging a sword over the gap, gathering as many coins and gubbins as humanly possible before the demon-eyes came out for the hunt.

I had begun work on my next NPC home, for the Merchant. I needed more silver coins, so I set off toward the jungle far to the right of my clearing. There was a cave, and inside that, a huge drop. I carefully placed torches as I went, watching my step. I used the cobwebs to slow my fall, allowing me to attach wooden platforms for an escape route as I slowly drifted down. I felt like I was playing Tomb Raider again. I found a chest! It was filled with shurikens, glowsticks, grenades and 8 copper bars.
Playing tennis with the jungle bats diving at me, I kept going... only to find another chest! More shurikens, more glowsticks (Sensing a theme here) and a blowpipe, which allowed me to use seeds as ammunition. I was chuffed. I started the trek back to 'town' with great crafting intentions.


My merchant had arrived, which is always a great moment. Now potions were purchasable, and I could have a piggy bank to store my grenades important stuff in. I never thought I'd do this in Terraria again, but I crafted a copper watch, so that the moon couldn't sneak up on me when I was digging. Due to the Diablo-esque item naming system, it was a Precise Copper Watch. +1% Critical hit chance. Looking at a pocket watch has never been so rewarding.

That night, I came across my tenth fallen star. That means a mana crystal, people. Mana Crystal! I had 20 mana! Now If only I had spells...


It was well overdue. I needed to get some real armour. That needed metal, and that needed a mineshaft. 

After having slimes fall down with me as I dug directly down, I decided to go off sideways, so I thought I ought to be thorough about the whole thing.

"You want thorough? I'll show you thorough!"

Once I had collected enough iron to finish my iron armour set, I decided to take on the eye of Cthulu, the game's first boss encounter. What could possibly go wrong?


Still, I wasn't going to take any chances. After snooping around on http://terraria.wikia.com , I took the recommended route of building a custom-made boss arena with wooden platforms to allow me to dodge the boss' attacks.

The darkness descends. I activate the 'Suspicious looking eye' in my inventory. A beastly roar splits the air as the eye of cthulu awakens. Using my platforms, which are evenly spaced to allow for jumping distance, I'm able to dodge his intermittent charges, and I swat his minions with my sword, constantly switching to my bow to keep up the ranged damage. I finally wear him down to 1200 health, which prompts him to switch modes. Instead of an eye, he's now the hungry jaws of cthulu. He charges every three seconds when he gets too close, so my jumping has to be precise to make sure I don't get clipped by him. Eventually, the final arrow meets its mark, and the demon explodes, yielding a tonne of gold and demonite ore.

And that's the satisfying thing about Terraria. It looks as though it were a child's game, but the organic character development, tactical gear decisions and the manipulation of the terrain make it seem like an MMORPG on steroids, and the way it both innovates and inspires nostalgia keeps me coming back to it. It was great when I first got it, and it's still great now.


Now that my Terrarian avatar has risked life and limb to rid the world of evil, I can    Wait, there're more bosses? Screw it, I need a break from this game mode... a long break.

Starfarer (Fractal Softworks)

It starts with a mad rush for the capture points. I opt to storm the sensor array, deep inside the nebula. The enemy goes for the navigation buoy, granting them extra speed. An isolated fighter wing is caught out and swatted by my meaty assault chain-guns and point defence lasers. Soon, my secondary cruiser comes under fire from bombers, fighters and two frigates. It begins.

I charge, full speed ahead, and score three successful hits with missiles on their frigates unshielded hull, followed up by a burst from a graviton beam to seal the deal. However, in my excitement I allowed my ship’s system to overload, (n00b mistake, gtfo!) which strips me of my shields and weaponry for a short time. A reaper-class torpedo comes hurtling into my fizzling hull, but I manage to escape the second, with a smug expression still adorning my face.

This is the game I'd dreamt of as a kid. This is Starfarer.

It’s only in Alpha at the moment (version 0.51a), but the idea is to create a free-roaming sandbox game similar to ‘Mount & Blade’, but with a motherload of more interesting mechanics, factions and a name more original than ‘Ship & Laser’. Modders are already at work creating their own vessels and arsenals of imbalanced weaponry, and the developers are giving them all the tools to do it. It’s a fantastic opportunity, as the number of ship and weapon sprites are potentially endless. The isometric view reminds me of the days I spent playing ‘Master of Orion II’, and gleefully watching my ships taking turns at bombarding each other with brightly coloured energy weapons. To have it all happen in real-time, is a dream come true.

The present business model is the Minecraft approach (and I don’t mean that it has a lazy graphics system claiming to be retro). You get the game 50 % cheaper in Alpha and, of course, you get access to all of the preview builds, which include an entertaining bunch of challenging set-missions and a campaign mode so far.

envy. You know it hurts.

In its present state, the campaign is very bare-bones, but there are a number upcoming features such as planet-side bases that you can establish, a fleshed out trading system, inter-stellar travel, a mission system based around the factions in the game, and a character progression system, naming but a few. Alas, all a player can expect when they start the game is an individual frigate, cowering in the shadow of the incredibly powerful Hegemony System Defense Fleet.

Fleet envy. You know it hurts.

It’s quite amazing how many customisation options are available for one small frigate. The missiles, energy and ballistic weapons can all be changed, a list of 21 hull upgrades can be chosen, flux capacitors and vents can be installed to allow you a more sustainable craft. Getting that perfect balance between all the different factors is an addictive process.

I've poured hours upon hours into this game so far. Its quite possibly some of the most fun I've had since Freelancer, So I'll be writing about each update a day or so after they're released.